Nov
11

I often wonder what exactly people think when they first see me. You see I get an amazing spectrum of expressions.
From old people I tend to get fear, surprise, or distrust. They look at me like they know that I will rob them of the bend in their back the moment they look away. I often lose staring contest with old men.

From children I tend to get fear, distrust, curiosity, or tears. I normally wouldn’t consider tears an expression but kids in japan break into tears so beautifully that I think it needs to be elevated a bit.

I think women see me and tend to think of having a great big black baby or that they are about to be raped. (They’re not.) They tend to have these thoughts simultaneously and therefore tend to part their legs at the ankles while simultaneously squeezing their thighs together. This war of battling thoughts tend to make women gaze at me like they are nearing the end of a rough shit. You know afraid that it will keep going but then happy that it’s almost over.

Men tend to look at me and feel secure or insecure about their dick size. I think that is why they always spread their legs a little more than usual.

Hmm… Perhaps I look at people too much.

Oh yeah. Foreigners tend to look at me with dead “please save me eyes” or they are drunk and their eyes tend loll drunkingly in my direction.

Nov
01

One of my little kids (4 years old) probably said that mentally to his mom after seeing my Halloween costume and just before assaulting her.

You ever hear the stories about animals getting caught in snares or bear traps and chewing off the trapped limb. Well this kid basically did that, but instead of sacrificing his hand he decided to sacrifice his mom’s.

It happened last Wednesday.  I went to work like normal. Well not really normal. Since it was the week of the Halloween lessons I was able to dress comfortably in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. On Wednesdays I teach a goodish amount of classes so I came to work a little early so that I could prep my classes and put on my costume.

I timed all of my preparation so that I could appear in my full makeup just as the kids were starting to come in. It all worked out well and as my first kids started walking into the building I walked out like this:

knight

 

First, one child screamed. Her mother was able to quickly calm her down and assure her that is was me. The next child froze and looked at me. No, she eyeballed me like she was trying to assess the exact nature of the threat in front of her. Eventually she was able to move from where she stood but she kept her eye on me for the remainder of the day. The next few children acted the same way she had. The last child, the quiet one, responded differently.

The doors into the building are made of glass and give a good view of the my schools lobby. The child, the quiet one, looked through these doors saw me, stretched his eyes the size of saucers, and promptly attempted a retreat. Unfortunately,  prevented his escape by holding his hand and that is when he attacked her.

I nearly died of laughter watching it all play out. He really went after the back of her hand. It looked like he was gonna rip the bones out. Lucky for her his jaws and teeth are still developing. Otherwise he would have taken her out.

Nov
01

I must love in a cloud of dust. It has been less than a week since my iPod fell from glory and I stopped using it. I was supposed to take it to the Apple store for prayer and repairs today, but just couldn’t find the… um, (insert a cool word for energy here) to get to that part of town.

Yes, I am extremely lazy.

During the three days my iPod has sat on the bench it has developed a fine layer of dust on it.

Is that normal? Does dust visibly accumulate in only a few days? Am I a dust magnet?

Maybe. Could be. Now that I think about it everything in this apartment is dusty. Not super dusty, but dusty enough to be alarming. Yeah, I know that the simple solution is to dust. But… but…

I just can’t. Every time I think of dusting I am reminded of how many hours of saturday morning cartoons I missed because my mom was unwilling to accept that the flashing images on tv were important to my development. Dusting and other household chores robbed me of parts of my childhood. I can never get them back and now dust is trying to rob me of a few more of my years.

I say no.

NO!

I will not be tricked into rubbing furniture incessantly.

NO!

I will not have the smell of furniture polish soak into my hands.

NO!

I will find a new path. A path of peace with my surroundings. A path that puts me back in touch with nature. I shall become like that great man who must not be named.

Oct
29

I should be mad ya’ll. I should be real mad. But I am not.

 

Annoyed. I am annoyed. Doesn’t seem like enough but that is all that I got right now.

 

I had training this morning at my job and it went well. The trainer guy is usually amusing and does his best to make the training not seem overly painful. After training as I was retrieving my bicycle form the sidewalk my iPod touch fell out of my front pocket. It fell maybe a foot and a half. That isn’t high at all, right? Well the damn thing broke.

 

Actually tit is more like a collection of cracks on the screen. At first it doesn’t seem bad, but it is. So I can still use the touch screen and all, but now the sound is kind of shitty. When I plug in my earphone it acts as if they are only partially in.

 

…I guess that is a big problem. I hope there is a way to get this fixed. I will give Apple a call or mail and see if there is a solution. I am totally expecting to hear them say that I should just buy a new one and not be careless, clumsy, ham-handed bitch.

 

Oct
26

You know I had a whole speech prepared earlier today but now that I am at work and decked out in long flowing fake hair (Halloween costume) I am completely unable to remember the aforementioned speech. I will be as brief as my lack of longevity allows.

People who run into an elevator and immediately press the door close button are really rude. But they might also be really japanese.

Today, actually yesterday, I was walking to the train station near my apartment to go to work.  It had rained the night before and all morning and through part of the afternoon. So it was quite dreary, but I didn’t mind. I was headed to work in regular clothes. I was wearing sneakers, jeans, and a nice t-shirt while listening to Mos Def  destroy a Georgia Anne Muldrow’s song (He didn’t really destroy it but he didn’t really help it.) Aside from the musical destruction and the overcast sky I was feeling great.  Nothing.

When I got to the station entrance I decided to take the elevator down to platform. As I got on the elevator I saw that their were people behind me, and, being the kind person I am, held the door for them. An old lady got on and nodded a thank you and then a man got on. Now this is the funny part (to me at least) . Before even turning around, before even having both feet in the door the man was reaching for the door close button.

That strikes me at as incredibly rude.  He was prepared to shut the door in the face of anyone who happened to be behind him. That is really rude  to me. I have actually had the elevator door shut in my face by one of these people and it drives me crazy.

Oct
26

Why is it that it only chooses to rain after I have gotten into beds on nights when I have forgotten to bring in my laundry?

Oct
05

A Reasonable Debate on Jamaica’s Queerphobia Starts With the Bible

The Jamaican newspaper Jamaica Gleaner is normally home to rants about those jerkoffs in the United States who have a problem with the island nation’s celebrated culture of homophobia, and defenses from locals about Jamaica’s right to Christian-inspired gay hate. But herewith, an about-face from the rag!

Any conversation about homophobia and Jamaica must include a footnote about where it comes from: the faithful. Most anti-gay sentiment begins with the church. Which makes Gleaner contributor’s Keith Noel argument for tolerance all the more wondrous, since it leads off with some scripture.

The theoretical basis for our homophobia lies in our Old Testament attitudes. We believe that the Bible has made it quite clear that any and all forms of homosexual relationships are sinful and its perpetrators should either be expelled from our churches or should be counselled and prayed for.

The logic is that this behaviour, being terribly sinful, is ‘of the devil’ – the creator and instigator of all that is sinful. So in the churches that are more demanding of their members there are cries for the expulsion of persons who are found guilty of this behaviour. In churches where the tone is less stringent and more nurturing, the consensus would be for the priest (and whoever else in the church is qualified to do so) to counsel the guilty persons and for the church to pray for them, exhorting God Almighty to drive this demon of unnatural lust from their souls.

This, from a man who “long believed that all forms of homosexual behaviour was unnatural. It was ‘easy’ for me to think thus because I have always been repulsed by the idea of homosexual lovemaking. However, I considered myself quite liberal as I was one of those who advocated treating homosexuality like all other sins (including gambling, lust, lying and fornication) and so accepted gays simply as fellow sinners and prayed for them.”

So what’s changed for Noel? Well, Caster Semenya, who for all intents and purposes is intersex. And, apparently, she’s a good enough reason to find new conclusions about queers.

So the recent flurry of comments about Caster Semenya, the South African athlete, has interesting reverberations for us. We hear in the news that the IAAF will not penalise her because she did not cheat. She had lived her life as a woman and believed herself to be one. She had taken no hormones, no operations, nothing to give her masculine characteristics. Yet the reports are that she is not entirely female. These scientific studies are forcing many to realise that there is a masculine-feminine continuum and that some persons fall closer to the centre in this continuum.

[...] These persons, according to all the scientific evidence, are not sinful, corrupt ‘weirdos’, but persons who, at birth, (like Ms Semanya) had only some of the organs of the gender to which they belonged and, internally, had some of the organs of the other.

All of this seems to challenge an aspect of our Adam/Eve theory. If physically, persons are not placed so firmly and definitely in one gender by the Maker, what about psychologically? Does it not follow that some persons could, quite naturally (i.e. because of how they were born) find themselves attracted to persons who belong to the same gender? Or is it heresy to consider this?

Who would have thought it would take a South African track star and international athletics scandal to ignite a conversation in Jamaica that maybe, possibly, there’s a remote chance they’ve been wrong all along to target LGBTs?

(Caster, meanwhile, was just handed £1,600 from strip club Teazers for that awful billboard ad they created, and then defended.)

~from Queerty.com

Sep
29

Sep
26
Sep
25